Old friends or your new you?

You had your surgery, you are losing weight, and you are doing great. But obviously, nothing comes for free in life, so you are paying for your past “sins” related to food, and from now on you will be able to eat next to nothing and it will never go away. You will be able to eat your protein, some veggies, and next to no carbs. You don’t tolerate them well anyway, so what. Compared to other people, you are eating like a bird. Or a 10-year-old kid.

You used to love going out to eat with your family and friends. Anything related to food was a wonderful fun activity. And I get it. You could eat anything and in any amount you wished. Burgers, pizzas, donuts, cakes, milkshakes, ribs, chicken wings, you name it! Wow, how amazing all that is, right? You had fun eating, spending time with your friends, and had no problems at all. 

The tiny problem was that you accumulated so much extra weight that you ended up on the table of a bariatric surgeon. Never mind, no need to remind yourself that, it is a question of the past. Everybody has some. No need to keep punishing yourself for that forever. You closed this chapter and now you are doing better. 

Congratulations! You can be pretty proud of yourself. BUT…

The only person who changed and who decided to do better is you. Not them. They are still doing the same, eating the same food and in the same amounts. Not you. You can have some chicken or fish with veggies and you will take half of that home anyway because you don’t have space for that.

They will have the sweet dessert, not you. They will have coffee with some cake, not you. There is nothing like sugar in your life anymore. So keep in your mind that from now on you will only watch people eat the things you used to like and you won’t be able to touch them. Maybe you will try it once, but dumping is a very real and extremely unpleasant thing, so memento mori and you will never do it again. 

You might even question yourself why you did that to yourself. Was it all worth it? They can eat anything and you, with all those restrictions and prohibitions, are only sitting there and watching them have fun. This is not fair, you think. Most likely you knew it, and somehow you accepted that. But you had no idea how hard it would be in your new day-to-day life.
Moreover, your colleague brought a box of donuts at the office. This is torture! What are you having instead? Some veggie sticks with hummus.

Your only reassurance is that you started buying new and significantly smaller clothes that fit you like a glove. You look much better and you feel much better as well. Lean meats, fish, and veggies in any form became your best friends. You crave things you never even knew existed in the store. But you can’t say the same about your friends.

What is more, they started to notice that you are losing weight and that you look better. But they can’t say anything like that about themselves. And now the hard thing comes. They will start subtly imply that you have already lost enough, that what you are doing is insane, that there is no need for you to keep losing, that you are starting to look gaunt, that it is unhealthy, that you are way too strict and hard on yourself. Have you noticed? And why are they doing that? Because misery loves company. 

As hard as it might sound, they don’t want you to be better, slimmer, healthier, wear nice clothes, be able to run after your kids, go on that vacation, you name it. Why? Because they can’t do that themselves. This was one of the hardest things I had to swallow.

As you start to change, the change is not only physical. It is your head that changes a lot as well. It is a slow process but it is there and it is happening you can’t deny it. At first, you don’t even notice. But when you look back after a longer period, you will notice how much you changed.

Unfortunately, some of your old friends won’t make it to your new life. Be prepared. You will get it that some people can’t stay with you anymore. They are so detrimental to your new life that it gets to the crucial decision: or they will stay in my life and inevitably they will drag me down, back where I was, or I will let them go and I will grow and become better and keep doing the right thing.

You will try to convince them, try to explain, try to defend yourself. You can’t win this. When you understand this point, you let them go. With a heavy heart, they were your friends for such a long time and you shared so many good chapters together. But you are starting a brand new chapter, maybe a whole new book. So you can’t take the characters from the previous book with you. Sad, right?

This is something that any surgeon or doctor will tell you. Such a stupid thing at first glance like food, and you realize how much our lives are revolving around this activity. Incredible.

Here in Spain, it is primordial. Anything and everything happens around food. As a bariatric patient, brace yourself. You will have a really hard time at times. Well, almost all the time. Do you want coffee? Boom, sugar on your underplate and a cookieeeeee… You ordered something to eat from the kid’s menu (they will be surprised, but most likely they will let you), and you are asking to have the rest in a box to eat at home, and they are already offering you something sweet. As if it were a must. Sigh…

On the other hand, you will find new friends. I swear it will happen. Maybe someone who you keep seeing in the grocery store buying veggies on your way from work. Maybe somebody you meet in the gym (I don’t go myself, but I have a new friend who is walking her dog at the same time I go for my evening walk).

You might even start a new hobby, something you never thought you might like. I swear to God, it never occurred to me how much time we used to spend eating and how incredibly time-consuming are all the activities around food and meal time. That is crazy! 

But from now on, everything about food will be completely new. Surprisingly, much simpler and faster. The beginning is hard. I won’t lie. You are not having much fun around food at all. But as time passes and you can eat something more normal, you start exploring new options, new meals, new receipts, and things you never knew existed. Some of them you will like, some of them not, but it doesn’t mean you won’t feel like James Cook exploring distant oceans.

There are so many amazing new meals out there. Don’t be a scaredy cat, explore! New cuisines, receipts, veggies you have never tried. The options are endless. These guys will be your new best friends. And pretty faithful ones. They will take good care of you forever.

It is only a question of priorities. You have decided for a new life so you are likely to make some drastic changes to be able to stick with it. It may seem hard now, but trust me, it is so worth it.