Fat shaming

It is all fun and games until it happens to you.

Definition

Fat shaming… What is it? Merriam-Webster says: the act or practice of subjecting someone perceived as fat or overweight to criticism or mockery.

You know it firsthand

You have perceived something like this a million times before. Sometimes it was just mean fun of a friend of yours, so you swallowed it and let it be. Sometimes it was the look at the store when you were looking for some new clothes – you know what I mean: do you really want to try this on? You felt horrible and simply walked away with disgust. Or it would be the look at you in a restaurant when you order a pizza. Wanna try this great SALAD? It would be better for you. I don’t have to tell you that the pizza tasted like hay after this comment.

Doctor???

What I never thought of and I was absolutely not prepared for was that something like this would happen to me at the doctor’s! No kidding… I was in such a shock that I wasn’t able to react. I was just perplexed, staring in disbelief, speechless and I walked away. I was in such shock that I didn’t know what to say. And people who know me, it is a very exceptional situation.

A legit health problem

It was during the COVID situation that I had a nasty reaction to my first vaccination. They pinched me this thing on June, 1st and my shoulder got swollen. I had a bump as if I were a dromedary, it was hot and red, I had a little fever, felt weak. It didn’t feel right. Something was off. I hoped it would go away in a few days, but it was maybe two weeks, then a month, then two months and I still had the bump there. I couldn’t move my arm, it was painful, after such a long time with limited movement half frozen and getting worse and worse.

I saw maybe 10 different specialists but they all told me that it was not their specialty and sent me to another specialist. Until I got to a traumatologist. I brought all the paperwork from all the previous doctors and explained the situation. It was in late October, so 4 months after the vaccination. Way too much time had passed and it was a disaster.

Surprise surprise

This young doctor with a hipster look, all tattoed, perfectly styled, and apparently not in the mood to spend his precious time with me, at least this was very obvious from his behavior, looked at me and said:

as I see it, you are seeking attention from everyone. This is not a problem with the vaccine, it is perfectly safe. The only one who has a problem is you. Haven’t you thought that it has something to do with your weight? Loose some 30 kilos and you will see that all your supposed pains and aches will go away. Take ibuprofen. That’s all from me.

Yes, I had the weight… BUT!

Ok, I admit that this was before my bariatric surgery, i was at my heaviest weight, so some 104 kg / 230 pounds. Right, I was not at my healthy weight, yes, was obese, fine, I will admit all this. There is no doubt about this part of the story. But what I absolutely did not expect was this kind of behavior from a doctor towards a patient that comes with a problem. Maybe he didn’t know what to do with me, maybe he had a bad day, maybe his girlfriend was angry with him for some reason, who knows… but some code of conduct should be respected.

I am not trying to think up reasons to find some apology for him or me. I was in such a shock that I got up from the chair and walked out. I wasn’t able to say a word. I felt so hurt, desperate for answers nobody was able to give me, I was angry, almost in tears, literally desperate. And again with no answer. I didn’t know who else to turn to. My arm was swollen and hurt me for months. I was sleeping with ibuprofen every single night and still woke up at 4 am daily. I was tired, grumpy, sleepy, and in pain. With no solution in front of me.

Am I the bad guy here???

What is more, I felt as if I was just wasting time with the doctors and having the appointments just because without any relevant reason. As if I was really seeking attention and didn’t deserve it. I mean, I had a problem and I needed help. And this guy tells me to fu.k off, that I am exaggerating, and that it is nothing more than a simple painkiller wouldn’t solve.

I got really angry after a few days when I was replaying it all over and over again. I should have said, I should have acted, I should have… whatever, it was irrelevant anymore. I didn’t go to that hospital since.

I gave up

It felt to me as if a person who doesn’t fit in a model-like standard didn’t have the right to medical attention. I was so disgusted. The problem was that the arm was still swollen and hurt me. The solution? It stayed like that for another 7 months. Yes, you read it right. The reaction to the vaccine didn’t go away till the end of May the next year. I spent 11 months swallowing ibuprofen every night to get at least some sleep. Thinking about it now, it is a miracle I didn’t develop an ulcer in my stomach.

Your weakness, their strength

What I wanted to say, it is not that you are not aware of your weight, you know pretty well that you weigh more than you should. The thing is that people know very well that your weight is your weakest spot and they use it against you. They sting you when you least expect it. And then only watch how you will react. People are this mean. And they do this more often than you are willing to admit.

Why do they do that? Who knows? There must be a reason for that. Maybe they have their insecurities, their ego, their “moral right” to lecture you, maybe they had only a bad day, maybe their boss was mean to them, so you are the logical next step to pass the sh.t on, maybe their kid brought a bad grade from school… it could be anything.

You can only imagine how it feels…

Overweight people don’t need your nasty comments, they don’t need any well-meant advice. If you have never been there, you have no idea what it all feels like. They are not lazy or weak. You would be surprised at the strength of will a person can have when they decide not to eat for a week. Trust me, been there, and done that. You wouldn’t be able to make it. But desperate people do desperate things. Some are silly, and starving themselves is one of them.

If it is not helpful or if it is not nice, please keep it for yourself. Keep your mouth shut. People with excess weight have their own extremely strict and nasty inner critic. They don’t need more things like these from you. What if you offered some kind of help? I don’t mean lecturing them. This is not the way.

A constructive help. Maybe only listening to that person would be something that would make a miracle. Who knows? Just try it. Ask them what they need, if there is something you could do for them. It is as simple as that. Maybe you would be surprised by what they are struggling with. Or simply let it be. They are much more than their weight anyway.

Has fat shaming happened to you? I hope not! In the unfortunate case that yes, how did you react? What did you do? What did you tell them? And how it felt? Silly question, I know…