Behavioral change toward you

Weight matters

If you thought that your weight did not matter that much, and many friends of yours would have told you this, you couldn’t be further from the truth. And I think you have unnoticed yourself how much the behavior of other people towards you started to change once you started to lose weight.

Behavioral change… this sounds like from a scientific article. But what I mean is that when you had your excess weight, you were invisible to other people. At the best of possible attitudes, they were looking at you with pity or even disgust and thought that you were a loser, a weakling, or a doomed person. Yes, that bad thing used to be.

It was you, the doormat

And I fully understand that you don’t want to remind this to you. But it used to be your reality. The most likely reason for this behavior was actually you. Do you remember how you used to behave in the presence of other people? I think you used to try to be invisible, let them do whatever they wanted, don’t upset anyone, and always let them have their way. This is not the kind of behavior that a confident person would demonstrate.

And this is exactly why they all had that very negative attitude toward you. They could do whatever and you always let it be. You didn’t have the guts to stand for yourself, express your wishes or needs, protect, and state your boundaries. And all this means that you were inviting everyone else to make a doormat out of you. People love the feeling of power over another human being. And you used to be a perfect target. So why not use the opportunity served on a silver tray, right?

You started to change

But the moment you started to lose weight, things started to change. Have you noticed that you are not walking so slouchy and with round shoulders all the time? You are not so scared of eye contact, you walk more straight, and your behavior is more confident. How did this happen? You are changing, that is all. It is not only the scales that tell you a smaller number.

As much as the number decreases, the same fast decreases your tolerance of BS from others toward you. You may not notice it at first, but it is already happening. You have gone this far, you are going through the hell of recovery from bariatric surgery, and you are confident that you can do that and that everything will work out for you. You are celebrating your first weight goals, the same as your non-sale victories and it feels amazing.

You are way better now

You haven’t felt like this in many years and you are feeling better. And it is visible in your attitude, your behavior, and your relationships. People who used to ignore you are now asking you out for a coffee, they want you to come to their birthday party, and they may even try to be your friends. How funny, right? They were sitting with you in one office for years and all of a sudden such a change. Let’s think about hypocrisy here for a while.

Personal relationships

A lot of women will tell you: that I am not invisible to men anymore. They are interested in me, and they asked me out. I had a real date for the first time in years. Obviously, it must feel great and an incredible boost to their confidence. Maybe they are not so confident at first and try to navigate the new waters carefully, but it is happening. You deserve this, girl!

Work relationships

Maybe you got a promotion at work. Wow! What happened here? You asked for this two years ago and were rejected. And now, all of a sudden things started to move. What a surprise. What is more, you are now working at the front office, not hidden somewhere at the back hidden behind a large monitor. This is funny indeed.

Not all is so great anymore

The not-so-funny part of this story is old friendships. They may be crumbling bit by bit, and some of them would fall apart completely. Do you know why? Because misery loves company. The moment you are not miserable, they don’t want you among them. You don’t fit anymore. And they will tell you that you changed. And imply that not for the better. Well, it depends on the point of view. You are different and you don’t fit. Well, maybe it is time to leave this port and start sailing to new waters. Who knows what is waiting for you there…

Long-term relationship/marriage

Unfortunately, many long-term partnerships and marriages won’t last either after your bariatric surgery. You have changed. Sometimes dramatically. And I am not talking only about your physical body. You are not the person they married years before. You have changed, you have evolved. But how about them? They likely stayed the same.

So now we have here a new situation, an imbalance and it affects the relationship. It is like that. Unless you put in a lot of work and make the change together, you are doomed. A lot of partners can’t stand the new you. You are slimmer, more confident, you act differently, you are most likely more active, and you have new friends and new interests. Everything is new about you. And it is hard to digest. Let’s be honest here.

A lot of marriages don’t stand this tough test and fall apart. The divorce rate among bariatric patients is surprisingly high. Check Google, it has more information on this. So, be aware a thing like this can happen to you as well. Or do your best to prevent it. Now you know and you have been warned 🙂

Your crucial transformation

It seems to me that a bariatric patient is going through a huge transformation. It is not only about the body. It is the obvious part. You did it to lose the weight and recover your health. The rest of the things that snowball around this are only an added value / collateral damage. They never told you this, but it is not only that they cut your stomach into tiny tube. They somehow made it so that your life turned upside down and around at the same time.

Your new you

Anything is like before. You have new habits, not only the eating ones. You have a new wardrobe. You changed a lot of your previous behavior. You became more confident and you stand for yourself. You are more visible to everyone. You have new friends and new hobbies. Most likely you are way more active than before. You pursue your dreams and you plan for an amazing future.

Anything is possible. Even if it feels like a wild roller coaster. Enjoy the ride. This is why you all did it. Yes, becoming healthy is the most important part, something that is so much worth it, but the changes you have to make to be successful in your journey, it is something that is very unexpected and that you realize on the way.

You are becoming a beautiful swan that used to be an ugly duckling (meant with all the love). It is hard work, but you will be amazed at the end. Who knows where this all can lead you 🙂