Keeping a journal as accountability tool

Confession

I have been keeping some kind of diary, log book, or brain dump, no matter what you will call it, for almost a decade now. Maybe even a little longer. I first started this as a part of my therapy and keeping a journal proved to be a very effective way of organizing and being aware of my thoughts. It became my accountability tool. I have to admit that I was quite skeptical at first. When my psychologist suggested I do this, I remember myself sitting in front of an empty sheet and not knowing what to put there.

Why it is a good idea

But once I started, the words started to fall on the paper like crazy. They flew like a river. I had so much on my mind. And it was all stuck in my head. I never had the audacity or better said opportunity to get this all out. And I have to say it was incredibly liberating. I felt such a relief, it was beyond description.

Sometimes I cried, sometimes I laughed, and sometimes I got pretty angry. There were so many emotions stuck inside. And this was an amazing way of releasing it all. I have to say I realized so many things and the connection between them. There was such a mess in my head.

But once I started to get it all out, it began to organize itself. Many things got their name for the first time. Many emotions, fears, and anger were addressed and put on paper and I could contemplate what happened.

Organization of the mess

Our lives are incredibly busy, there are so many things going on, we are rushing from one thing to another, and we have no idea what is actually happening. It seems all as fast as a high-speed train. Things are only passing by and we don’t have time to process them. And that is why we are often feeling some kind of discomfort but we have no idea where it came from.

And this is exactly one of the roots of our overeating. I feel angry, I feel sad, lonely, and I need to celebrate something. What will I do? I will turn to food. It is so easy. Obviously, it is much more difficult to sit down, realize what is going on, and why I feel this way, and address the problem. Sure, chocolate doesn’t ask, chocolate understands. I used to laugh at this…

I don’t have time

It is hard at first. I told you, I had no idea where to start. Who cares? Start somewhere. And you will be surprised where it will lead you. Maybe you will realize that there are some connections among things that you had no idea about. You are very likely going to have some AHA moments. The moments of realization are precious.

You can start small. The first sentence. Maybe a paragraph. Everybody started somewhere. And it is ok. No need to write a new saga all at once. Some days there will be very little to write down. And sometimes you will need pages to get all the mess out of your head.

Figure out what is going on. Find something great about the day. Yes, sometimes you will have to keep digging like a dwarf in his mine, but you might find a diamond. If you are angry, just write it down. Who, why, how, when, where. I write everything on my laptop and I have to say that sometimes I feel sorry for my keyboard 😀 I am literally hammering things down. But the relief after… priceless… now I can go to bed in peace 🙂

Thought organization

At first, I didn’t think about journaling like this at all. I was simply putting down things that were happening in my life. But with time it started to shift little by little. I was writing about my dreams and plans for the future, I was making notes for future days, what is important for me, and what I shouldn’t forget. And it is really amazing to see it all after a few years.

And I realized this in a big way when I was undergoing bariatric surgery. What a mess 😀 when I see the logs from the past years, I have a smile on my face. I remember that girl. It was me that time. She was sad, worried, unhappy, frightened, no idea what to do, how to proceed, if it would all work if she would be able to do that all. You know what I mean.

Reading this now, I can clearly see how much I have changed. I am not that girl anymore. Yes, there are still some of the same traits, but I have come a very long way from there. And I love going through the pages and reliving all the non-scale victories or when I broke some important milestones. The emotions are still there. I can re-live them.

It evolves over time

I started using my diary more for planning and revising. These two became crucial for me now. I have some things planned to do for myself, things I shouldn’t forget, goals to meet, and places to go (I don’t mean errands). I can monitor how I am doing regarding weight management, whether I am eating adequate food, and how I did with my exercise. I have it connected to my food log, so I can see the calories in and calories out, what my weight is doing, and how much I drank that day.

And I revise things every week. I usually get up early on Saturday and I have my “me-time”. Whoever opens the door to my room… they stopped doing it. I can check the week, how was it, what I did, how I felt, if my weight is ok, and if I ate enough protein, I check my stats, my goals, and my progress. And I can plan for the next one.

I can plan my meals easily. If I know that I am going out at the weekend, I will adjust things accordingly. I can prepare my grocery list to restock things, so I always have things I need at hand and don’t have to improvise. I can add some exercise here and there if I know that I won’t have time one day to do what I need to do. And like this things are under control.

Great help

I slipped a little in the past. And it was a great lesson for me. I learned. I stopped doing what I should be doing and it definitely didn’t pay off. It was the other way around. 10 pounds more… hm hm… I lost them again. But had I known better, I wouldn’t have to do go through this. I am wiser now and I am keeping things under control.

I am aware of what is going on. If you write things down, you can easily find a pattern in a few weeks. You know what you are prone to repeat. If it is good, fine, go on. But sometimes I see that I have started to do things that are a no. Time to realize that and correct it before it is too late. No more losing weight for me.

Be flexible

What I am suggesting here is having some way of checking up on yourself. No need to have spreadsheets and mandatory daily logs, precision, or punishment. At all. No one can do that in this pedantic way. What I had in mind was having some reasonable way of organizing yourself.

If you don’t have a plan, you have no idea where to go. If you don’t plan your meals, you are likely to eat whatever there is in the fridge. And trust me, it won’t be protein first. Oh, look at this yummy pasta. NO! This is exactly how things happen. If you don’t prepare your water bottle with what you like and tolerate to drink, you are likely to get dehydrated and then buy a Coke at the gas station. If you don’t plan for your workout, you won’t “have time” for it.

Accountability tool

I know it can sound annoying and almost military-like. It is not. If you find a way that works for you, you will have things under control and you are much more likely to succeed long term. If you stop being aware of what is going on in your life, then life happens very easily. I am a great fan of being accountable.

It is all up to me. I have decided to have the surgery, I lost the weight and now I have to maintain the weight where it is supposed to be. Ok, I can go on holiday, and I can have fun, but I have to be aware of what is going on so that I can compensate for the  “damage”.

Gaining 5 pounds during a great holiday with your family and friends means nothing. You brought great memories and you had a great time. But once you are back, go back to what you are supposed to do and check what happened and how to repair it. Before it is too late.

Now it is your turn

Have you ever thought about keeping a diary? Or do you keep it for yourself? Does it work for you? Or do you have some other method of keeping yourself accountable? How do you manage your progress? This is a topic that is fascinating to me 😀 Feel free to share your thoughts on this topic with me. I am all ears 🙂