Fear of food after bariatric surgery

Our little secret

I have been thinking about this topic for a while. And to tell the truth, I  think this is a little secret of many bari patients. Fear of food. Why a secret? Because we don’t want to admit to anyone we went through this stage. And maybe it lasted for quite some time. And for some, it lasts till now.

So what happened? How did we get here? We used to be food addicts and now we are scared of food. And if I use the word scared, I mean it. It is not some exaggeration or some passing feeling. It is literal terror. We hate food. Only thinking about eating fills us with such a level of anxiety that it is almost impossible to get some food in. Everything looks nasty and the smell… can anything be worse than this???

It might seem like some silly whim as if we were trying to attract attention. But the truth goes much deeper.

This too shall pass

Some people get to this point after the initial stages of soft food or pures. It is hard to enjoy or love food when everything you try makes you so sick that it causes you physical pain or you directly puke it. And this happened to a lot of people. Don’t sugarcoat this.

I will gain!

Others develop this fear because they are scared to death that they might gain the weight back. This is most likely the worst reason. You must eat, there is no way of avoiding it, yet you approach the plate with top anxiety. It is as if you have seen a huge spider or something like that. Your heart is pounding, you are sweating, your hands are trembling. But you know you have to do it.

While the first reason is likely to subside with time, at some point, you will physically start to tolerate the food better, so you won’t have any pain and if you eat reasonably, it will stay down. This is the good part of the story.

It is overwhelming

But the irrational fear of gaining weight is on a whole different level. You are desperate to lose weight. You would do anything to get rid of the weight. But you have associated food with gaining weight. So what your “clever” head will do? It will tell you and convince you that eating is bad and if you eat, you will inevitably gain weight. Obviously, after the surgery, at least for the first year, the restriction is so high that it is virtually impossible that something like this would happen.

But you are so scared that you restrict your food intake to a bare minimum. You don’t feel any hunger, at least that was my case, so it is extremely easy not to eat the whole day and only sip your fluids and finish strong with some protein shake. And you mix it with water only, just in case it has too many calories anyway.

It starts swallowing you

What happens? The inevitable. You stall. The body gets it pretty quickly that not only did it go through the surgery, which is a good mess of what they did, but that food is so scarce that it has to retain anything and everything that gets in. Plus never let go of any weight it already has. Because, you know, death is imminent and we have to retain any fat we have. So you stop losing weight.

And the detrimental spiral starts to swallow you. You only confirm your “silly” association that eating means gaining weight and your anxiety increases. You don’t want to eat, you are afraid of food, you had the surgery, and your level of deception and betrayal is skyrocketing. All this for nothing. You are not losing. It was a big fat lie! It doesn’t work.

But it is not like that at all. It doesn’t work simply because you are not doing what you should be doing. Your liquid intake is likely to be ok. But the rest? Where is your protein? Your fiber? You are exercising like crazy. Much more than you should. You are obsessed with scale numbers. And it is not moving.

Get help fast!

If you get to this point, it is the best time to reach out for help. And do it quickly. You are running out of time. The most weight you will lose after the surgery is the first year, maybe the second if you have a lot of weight to lose. But it will be significantly slower. And then it will stop. Your restriction won’t be that high and you will have to rely on your habits and new routines. So if you don’t lose it now, it will be much much harder later.

Misunderstanding

People think that people I have been talking about are only attention seekers, that they want to have all the help and attention for themselves. They were food addicts and now they are scared of food. Nonsense! All this is part of the emotional roller coaster that is an inherent part of the post-op period. Our heads will be playing pretty nasty games with us. Some of them will be amusing, innocent, and even funny. But something like this is a huge problem.

We need help. This is too much. We are not likely to win this all alone. Yes, you might think that you are a strong person and that you will eventually make it somehow. But reaching for help is a very brave thing. You show you are vulnerable, that things are out of hand, and that you can’t do it all alone. There is your bari team. They have the resources. There are the specialists. These people know what to do and how to help you. So don’t be ashamed.

It is available

They know well that this can happen and they are prepared to help. They are there for you. You are not crazy, you are not an attention seeker. Your life is going through a huge transformation and it is a pretty nasty work. You are not likely to build a new home all by yourself. You need help. A team of people who are specialists in different areas. They know how things work and how to help you.

It is the same as if you want to change all the electricity in your house. You won’t do it yourself. You will call a specialist. So let someone who knows help you with this food trouble. No shame about it. It is perfectly fine.

You are not crazy

People don’t want to talk about this. They think they are completely crazy, that this can’t be. That they want to abuse the help there is. But if you are scared of food, it is a really big problem. Some people develop anorexia after the surgery. Only because they were ashamed of asking for help. Food is not your enemy. There are so many yummy meals that we can have absolutely guilt-free. You learn to identify them, shop accordingly, and cook them. It is a new skill.

But counting every single calory, every single item that comes in, and freak out the next day what you will find on the scales, is pathology. You need to address it. You went from one extreme to another. Something went wrong and you need to change it. It is possible. You can do it. But you need help.

This post is for everyone who suffers in silence thinking that they are failing in the game. It is not like that at all. There is help available for you. All you have to do is ask for it. Go!