Progress requires unlearning

The new beginnings

There is something beautiful about new beginnings. When we embrace our new journey after the surgery, we are all hyped up, we see all in pink and all seems to be clear, and we walk through a rose garden. Piece of cake, one would say. Until our old habits start to mess up with the perfectly imagined future. We never think that unlearning the old ways is part of the journey.

It is a fact that the behavior we were used to for decades, maybe for all our lives, will do its best to come back to life. Especially when we least expect it, when we are vulnerable and unsure, and when life happens. It is always like this. We have all our good hopes for the future and our dim past starts to interfere when we least need it.

The Old Great Highway

Why is that? Well, our brain has a lot to say about this. Imagine the old behavior like a highway. It is well settled, wide, one single direction, easy to use and we know it well. This is the way to go. These are our old behaviors. We went through this way million times before. It is comfortable.

A new narrow jungle path

When we try to establish a new behavior, our new habit, what we have to do is to make a new way of executing. We take a machete and we stand against a wall of jungle and we start cutting to make the way for us. This is no easy way. It is a lot of work. Everything pinches, there are mosquitoes, it has a lot of curves. It is anything but well-established, easy, and straightforward. And we are trying to convince ourselves that this is a way better way to go. Silly right?

That is why we so easily fail to establish new habits. The highway is competing with some tiny jungle path. It would take decades to deteriorate the highway to the point when the jungle path, with time enlarged for a dusty road, would become a better option.

This is unlearning

And this is how the process of unlearning happens. The easy way is there and it is what our brain knows, it wants to go there. We have to very consciously convince it that we indeed want to go through the jungle. So when you see chips in front of you, that is why you “unconsciously” open it and vacuum the whole bag. You have always done it like that.

The reason to change

It may seem that the resistance is futile. That the ways we do things are already carved in stone and there is nothing to do about it. We can’t change. But is it really true? I’m convinced that you know someone who changed beyond recognition. So how did they do that? And why they were successful while most people failed?

It has to do a lot with internal motivation. They had to have a very good reason for doing so. I would say broken beyond reparation or it was a life or death decision. The reason has to be so strong that it overrides the old way of doing things.

The bari reason

I think that bariatric surgery is one of these reasons. Why are you having it? That is a very personal question. Each of us had our reason. But it was likely big enough that we chose the life with restrictions, with limitations, with life-long diet, exercise, and supplements. All this seemed to be nothing compared to the “yummy” food we used to be hooked on. The pain of carrying all the extra weight was so great that we reached for help and we were willing to do it no matter what to change it.

The thing is the old behaviors, the old ways are still there. You will have to display a lot of willpower, perseverance, and discipline to create new ways of doing things and stick to them no matter what. This is how you succeed. It is anything but easy.

Life on autopilot

Most of our lives are going on autopilot. We don’t even think about what we do. We just do it. Just think about your day. You get up… and yes, the autopilot takes over. Most likely you don’t even remember anything until you get to the office and switch on the PC. Many people have it like that. What they had for breakfast? How did they get to the office? No idea. When they consciously try to remember it. They don’t know. It is hard to retrieve that information. This strong the autopilot is.

And now, when you are trying to change things, what you have to do is switch off this comfortable way of doing things and keep thinking about many things that are to be done. It is new, so you have to go through the jungle path every single time. Not an easy way to take. That is why it is mentally so draining and difficult. And that is why we fail.

One small change at a time

It is recommended to change one thing at a time and start small and slow. If you decide to change everything and turn your life around from one day to another, it is extremely unlikely that all these changes will stick. That is why it is easy to do things while on holiday but so hard to keep doing them after you get home.

The small things like where you are, who you are with, and the sequence of doing things, all matter immensely. It is easy to change things when you move to another city or even country, but almost impossible when you keep being surrounded by the same things or people. When everything is new and you have nowhere to anchor yourself with the past, it is easier to change. The highways are not accessible. Everything is a jungle path. So you go because you can’t go anyhow easier.

A new life full of challenges

Unlearning things is a real challenge we face after the surgery. It is somewhat easier when we are right after the surgery. It is physically impossible to eat what we used to eat and the amount we used to ingest. The highway is not accessible. It is under construction and the entrance is full of roadblocks. The only way to go is the jungle path. And you know best how hard it is.

This is the time we should use wisely and try to cut as much of the vegetation from the jungle as possible so that in the future it would be much easier to go through and we wouldn’t go back directly to our old highway. If we use the time wisely, we build our new path into a relatively solid road, the more likely we will take it after the bari honeymoon and we will be more likely successful in our weight loss journey. We will stick to this.

The thing is that after the surgery so many things happen at the same time, and we have no idea what is important and what is not, we are juggling everything at cosmic speed and before we know it, the first year is over and we have to face the reality of our new life. Whether we are prepared or not.

The way to go

Perseverance, willpower, and pushing forward day by day. It is the way to go. No, it is not easy and it is not what people want to hear. Many keep thinking that the surgery will work for them, that they will keep the lower weight. But it is not like that. The surgery works only if you work. You stop, the jungle path you have been building the first year grows back with weed and you go directly back to the old highway. With all the due consequences.

Unlearning things is hard. It is only for the brave and for those who are willing to put all the work into it. It is a construction work. And it is the same level of hard. Consciously work on building the new and tearing down the old. This is how we succeed. It is a day-by-day struggle.

Is it easy? At all! Is it doable? Yes, if your reason is strong enough. Pick your reason wisely and you will always have enough stamina to go. Even when things get tough.