Scared of going back to eating junk food

Reality check

Bariatric patients are kinda vulnerable folks. From one point of view, we are very strong, we dared to face our worst fears and fought them bravely, we lost weight and we are doing everything in our power to keep the status quo. But on the other hand, we are very fragile. We are painfully aware that the victory we gained is not standing on very strong legs. The demons are still there and they are waiting to get us. Eating junk food is one of them.

Of course, we are working hard on our diet, on protein goals, we go to the gym, and we do want to do the right things. But whether we want it or not, we will get tested at some point. Life happens and things get difficult. At some point, we will be left alone to fight our battles. The bari team won’t be there for us forever. And it will be on us to keep winning.

The fragile reality

We know that we only tamed our food demons. We work daily on making our new habits stronger and better. But they are still brand new and they are like a detour through the woods while we used to take the 6-lane highway. All our decisions are made very consciously. It will take a lot of time till they will run on autopilot.

We know that it is so easy to go back to the highway and keep going at full speed, exactly the way we were used to. Yet we decide every time to take the detour and try to leave the highway behind. We know it. It is there and it is tempting. We are strong, we know and we try. If we slow down a little and make time to think before we make a decision, things will work out for us.

But we are human, we are not perfect (and nobody wants that from us) and sometimes things just go out of hand. It is like that. Show me someone who has never failed. Such a person doesn’t exist. And it is ok. We all fail sometimes. The question is how fast we can stop the detrimental behavior and go back on track.

It happens sometimes

Everyone had a bad day. Ok, sometimes things really override us 😀 I call these days “idiots are having a meeting”. It is completely justifiable to have a whipping cream in our coffee. And let’s have chicken wings at 10 pm as well. One bad day means nothing. Ok, maybe you will have diarrhea or you will feel bad – I mean stomach bad. But you won’t gain 20 pounds. Just don’t let one bad day turn into a bad week or even a month. That is a whole different story.

Logging things

Each of us has fallen at some point. It is ok. No need to beat yourself bloody. That is why I am such a fan of agenda, journaling, and having things logged. It might feel military-style, but I will explain this. If you don’t write it down, you will forget. Do you remember what you had for breakfast yesterday? I don’t think so. And a week ago? Impossible. If you have a log, you can go back and check it.

I do this on Sunday. I revise the week and I plan the upcoming one. And vaguely the following. Like this, I know what to buy, where to go, and what to pick up, what to eat and drink. And also how much I weigh – no need to freak out here, 5 pounds mean nothing.

As a woman, I know that our weight fluctuates throughout the month. It is pure check-in to know where I stand. Nothing more. If I see the weight is starting to pile up and it is already some 7 or 8 pounds, it means I am gaining weight and things need to be adjusted. No killer diet, just maybe 10 minutes more on the bike every day and it will be ok. A little less carbs and up my protein and in a week it is all perfect again.

It is the same with shopping. I can enjoy things but I need to be aware of what I am doing and if I am not sliding into some silly old habit. You know, bad habits die hard. They are mean and extremely persistent. If you don’t double-check, you will soon be doing things that don’t belong 😀 if you log in, you will figure things out much easier. And you won’t slip. That is the ultimate goal.

We want to be accountable

We know that the surgery is no miracle and that it will work only when we put our part in. So it is like a constant battle between the old and the new. No, it is not a catastrophic movie, far from that. The new habits will become stronger if we are consistent and we keep doing things right. If we don’t slack, if we keep being aware we will consciously switch off the old autopilot. We might crash using it very soon.

Understandably, we are scared that we might return to our old habits. It is a no-brainer. We have invested so much time, money, effort, and everything in our new life, our second chance, we know it is all still very fragile. We just want to make sure that it will work out for us. We don’t want to lose it. We are vulnerable, insecure, and afraid. It is completely ok.

I was overly confident

To tell the truth, it is better like this. Do you know why? Because I remember myself a year ago. I felt like I had it all figured out, I lost all the extra weight, I was eating right, and I was doing my exercise. The problem was that I didn’t realize that I started to cut corners. I was eating kinda right, maybe half and half, I skipped exercise sometimes – maybe three times a week… and boom! The bomb exploded right into my face when I wanted to put on a dress in spring. It was not completely small, but it used to fit way better.

What happened here? I was overly confident and I wasn’t careful. I thought I was doing ok and I wasn’t. I stopped measuring my food, and my scales were happily collecting dust in the corner. It is easy to feel you have things under control. But the reality is different. We have to be careful. Numbers don’t lie.  Our brain has its old ways and patterns and it loves using them. What is more, it is the brain of an addict. Don’t be shy here. Yes, we used to be food addicts, somebody more, somebody less, but it goes somewhere around this.

The second chance

We decided we wanted better, so we have to work on this. It is definitely not a life sentence. At all! We can succeed and we can use our second opportunity well. We can have a great healthy life. Just we will have to make sure that we are doing what we should be doing. For people who have never had problems with weight, it is autopilot, we have to make sure that we won’t let our old autopilot take over. It is possible, it is doable, but yes, sometimes it is really annoying. But it works.

There is nothing bad about having a KFC dinner at times. Let’s have it, enjoy the yummy spicy wings and the next morning have our high-protein breakfast. If we don’t do it every other evening, it means absolutely nothing. Actually, I like planning for feasts.

I am 2,5 years out and I am looking forward to a kebab dinner tomorrow with my partner. We will go out in the evening, walk on the beach and then finish strong with this dinner. The summer is ending here, so it makes sense to enjoy the last days that are left. Why not? (I will bring half of that home anyway 😀)

Keep it under control

There is no need to be scared to death of junk food. If we tolerate it, we can have it. At some point, each of us will eat it sometimes. Absolute restriction is not possible. We are not half rabbits to eat only veggies (and meat). No one can do that long-term. What I am saying is that if we eat the “bad” things consciously, we can enjoy them guilt-free and keep going in our normal regime. It works great for our motivation and it helps us keep going.

I keep saying this all the time: if things are getting out of hand, try to figure out what is going on and why. This is how you can stop it and rectify it by yourself. But if you realize that things are completely out of hand, that you are not able, that it is all too much and you got lost, no need to freak out. Just realize that you need help and ask for it. The earlier you do it, the lesser the “damage” will be.

No need to be ashamed. We are humans, not Superman. Any psychologist will be more than happy to help you. That is why we studied that much 🙂 some are even specialized in this field. They know perfectly how to decipher the problem and how to deal with it. All you have to do is ask.