Support system is a must

You have come this far, made the big decision and you are preparing yourself for surgery. Good for you and congrats! You somehow know that it won’t be all fun and games, but you still think you will manage somehow and it will work out just fine. What you are most likely not completely aware of at this point is that you will need a ton of help. 

Of course, it will be your tummy that they will cut, no doubt about it, but have you thought about the logistics of the first days? You will be hospitalized. Usually, it is one night if everything is fabulous, most likely two – don’t complain it is for your safety, or three or even maybe four if you had a bypass or something is not going completely well. If you have kids or pets, somebody will have to take care of them during this time. Plan ahead.

Once you are at home, you will be post-op, feeling somewhat in pain, and it will definitely not be a good idea to lift heavy objects. So lifting your toddler will not be possible. It will be very hard to explain to him/her why mommy doesn’t love him anymore. Unfortunately, you can’t change this and you will NOT be able to lift them. So better find some good alternative that will work for both of you.

The same about household chores. Laundry, deep cleaning, scrubbing, you name it. Maybe you are a superwoman and you will do your best, but trust me, you don’t want to hurt yourself. The stitches will be all very fresh and you will have to be careful. What is more, you will be quite likely nauseous, weak, and maybe even dizzy. Your blood sugar will be very low, maybe your blood pressure will be under 100 (know it myself firsthand), and you won’t have the energy you are used to having.

The list of physical limitations in the first days and weeks could go on. But it is not only this. There is something more that any bari surgeon won’t tell you. It is a huge emotional roller coaster. One moment you are all hyped, you are planning your new life in vivid details, everything is just fab, and the next moment you are drowning in the deep abyss of depression, hating yourself for what you have allowed them to do to you. Mood swings like crazy are completely normal at the beginning. But you will have to make sure that your life goes on somehow. It would be nice to have somebody you can rely on for subtle/more important help. 

It is quite likely that you will need help around the house for a while. You will need to make sure that daily chores like picking up kids or grocery shopping are taken care of. If you need some stronger medication for pain, it might be a little silly idea to drive. I wouldn’t do that. The last thing you want is to kill somebody.

You will do your best, you have decided to embark on this new journey, and you feel more than prepared, but trust me, every day is not perfect and you will slip sometimes please, don’t be too harsh on yourself. It is a process and a huge learning experience. Maybe you have overdone something, maybe you have eaten a little more than your stomach allows you and now you are really sick, or maybe you forgot your vitamins, anything can happen.

Don’t beat yourself bloody. You had more than enough of this in the past. No need to be perfect. Nobody is. Even if you slipped a little, it is not important unless you have hurt yourself physically (blood somewhere, torn stitches, or something alike – yes, that is a huge problem and rush to the hospital), anything else is manageable and can be mended or repaired. 

Forgive yourself for not being perfect and don’t freak out. Things will work out for you and you will lose the weight. One slice of pizza (if you are in the stage when you can eat solid food) is not the end of the world. I have it sometimes as well and guess what? I didn’t gain all my weight back.

It is quite hard for something like this to happen. You would have to eat badly wrong for months and every single day, stretch your pouch, and keep overeating. Really, one slice of pizza, ok, maybe three, won’t be the huge game changer. You have enjoyed a meal you don’t eat normally, it tasted so great, you ate it. Enjoy it and remember it but go back to what you are supposed to do. This is crucial. One “wrong” meal means nothing. 

If you can have somebody in your house who would be your ally, who would be eating better with you, who would support you, this would be wonderful. It feels so much better if you have somebody to share your journey with. On the other way round, if you keep watching every day your spouse and children munching on cookies, chocolate milk, and burgers, it makes your life quite miserable. If they so desperately need to eat that, send them to a fast-food restaurant so that you don’t have to watch them. 

Eating out will become an ordeal. A kid’s menu will become your best friend and you won’t be able to get that all in anyway. Everybody else will be eating tons of food, trust me, you will see it like that from now on, and you will be eating like a bird. Half of burger meat will be your max and you won’t be able to eat any sugar. So no cookies, no ice cream, no cakes, no pastry, nothing like that.

Even the coffee you used to love taking with your friends will become a little dull. They will have the cake, not you. This can feel really depressing. Don’t worry, you will overcome it. Why? Because you know why you are doing it. And you see the results. One-size-down pants feel much better than the silly chocolate cake (my experience). 

If you had some trouble with eating, like emotional overeating, binging, eating at night… I beg you on my knees, sort this out before the surgery. Trust me it will make your life so much easier after. Talk to somebody who knows – a psychologist, any specialist around food, take seriously what the dietician tells you, and learn new and better behavior around food. This is crucial.

No surgery will sort out the underlying problem. If you are depressed and you eat your way out of that, there is no shame in taking some pills for a while. They are likely not to stick with you for the rest of your life. It is a little help. Show me one person who doesn’t need a little help now and then. It is not a weakness, I would say it is the other way around. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help if you need it. Don’t be ashamed. You will see, it will be all so much worth it. 

There are also support groups. I wish I had access to them when I was all new to this. The people around you keep telling you that they are supporting you. I know they are doing their best, but they have no idea what you are going through. It is so much harder than physically cutting your stomach.

The emotional impact is huge. And it feels so great to have someone who will tell you: me too! I think no one who hasn’t gone through this can get what is happening inside and how incredibly hard it can be at times. Not every day, but some days are pretty meh… if you have a support group in your area, don’t feel ashamed and join. You will like it most likely. And there is always the internet, right?

And the last thing: don’t compare yourself to others. Everybody is different. If you have a lot to lose, you are likely to peel it off fast in the beginning, or maybe not. You might be a slow loser. It might be actually better, your skin will have more time to cope with it. If you are doing what you should be doing, you will lose weight. Sooner or later, it will happen. Go to the medical check, take your vitamins, and walk. And keep breathing.

It is happening, even if it doesn’t look like that on the scales (the silly number didn’t move for weeks, but I lost 2 clothes sizes). Be patient. You will get there. And seek help if you are lost. No shame about it. It is your new life, you are starting to do new things you have never done before.