No one gets up alone – you need help

Inaccurate self-perception

You consider yourself to be a strong person, but at the end of the day, when things don’t go completely your way and life gets hard, you realize that you are nothing on your own. You are as weak as the weakest part of the chain, and at this precise moment, the weakest part is you. It is hard to acknowledge this but it is exactly what you need to hear. You need help.

This blog is all about losing weight, building better habits, and motivation to keep going. No matter at what stage of weight loss you are, you must have noticed that things get easier when you are not all alone in it. Of course, no one will go to the gym for you, it is what you must do by yourself. But having someone who will be there for you, who will pinch you to do one more rep, put down the chocolate, who you can vent your frustrations. This person is important.

People overestimate themselves

People think that they can do anything on their own. Technically it is possible, but why make your life more difficult than it needs to be? If you have a partner in crime, the baggage weighs much less than if you must have it on your own back all alone. It is easy to keep going when things are easy and the sun is shining, everybody can do that. But what if a storm comes? And it becomes a monsoon season? This can happen to anyone who fights their weight.

Sometimes things get hard. And then incredibly hard. And become unbearably hard. If you had a month when the scales didn’t move a single digit, what is more, you gained a kilo or two and you did nothing wrong, you will know firsthand. Facing this on your own is a heroic attempt. It is so easy to throw the towel to the ring and simply give up. The temptation is there. And it is nagging all the time. This is the point when you need someone to scream with you, to take a boxing class with, and release all the anger and frustration there.

It is hard to be all alone

They say that happiness is doubled when shared and sorrow is halved when accompanied. I have never been thinking about that. But it is true. They say this for a reason. I live abroad and my support system here is almost nonexistent. So when my doctor told me I was completely healthy, what did I do? I shared it here. Because I didn’t have anyone around to tell. Sad, right?

What I had in mind was that if you have a person you can count on, someone taking the journey with you, things can be much easier. Maybe your family or close friends do not completely back you up in your weight loss, maybe they are even against it. This is a tough situation. You are alone and you need help. Still, not everything is lost.

Building your support system

Bariatric surgery is more common nowadays than you think. There will likely be someone pretty close to where you live. And if you are unlucky, there is always Facebook with all the support groups. Maybe even your surgeon has a group like this for their patients. You will never know if you don’t ask. If there is something I learned, it is that the answer is always no if you don’t ask.

In case this is not an option for you, there are also websites where you can find a buddy. They call them also accountability partners. Sounds fancy, right? Some of them are free, and some of them are under some subscription. It depends on what you are exactly looking for. I haven’t investigated this option myself a lot, but I know it is there. And in the absolutely worst-case scenario, some apps will help you to track things and habits. This is not exactly the best option, but still, it is better than nothing. At least you can see how you are doing. Numbers don’t lie.

The ultimate test of the warrior

It doesn’t matter how strong you think you are, there will be times, and they will sure come, no doubt about that when you will feel overwhelmed, when things won’t go your way, when life gets hard, when nothing goes right. These are the times when we are tested. As if the whole universe was conspiring against us and was nagging at us: are you serious about his? How badly do you want that? Yeah? So prove to me you mean it!

We are humans, not machines, we are weaker than we would like to admit to ourselves. It is like that. No need to feel ashamed or guilty. Everybody falls sometimes. So what? None of us is perfect. The crucial question is how fast you can get up. You may have a bad day, it might even turn into a bad week. But, please, don’t allow it to become a bad month. The damage would be too big. Ok, you ate a whole pizza. You had a week-long holiday, maybe even two weeks, and you enjoyed that time a little too much. Ok, you have memories to tell.

Back on track asap

Now it is time to get back on track. If you are all alone, you will have to employ a lot of willpower and discipline. Each of us has it. Some of us just don’t use it very often and it unfortunately works the same way as any other muscle in the body. If you don’t use it much, it tends to be weak. If you exercise it often, it is strong. A thing to contemplate when things are going right. The more you practice your discipline, the stronger it will be.

Still, if you can count on somebody who will be there for you, who will cheer for you, for every single kilo lost, who will keep pushing with you, who will motivate you to do the right thing every single day, this is your person. Keep them close. These people are important.

Time to change some friends

Still, as you are advancing, you are getting better and better. You are likely to start a new hobby. Maybe you started to go to the gym, maybe you took up some classes. Have you considered dancing? It is a great exercise and it is surprisingly engaging. In places like these, you are likely to find new friends. These people are like you. They are your new tribe, your friends. I bet you will fit there like a glove. All you have to do is step out of your comfort zone (I know, this is annoying, you hear it all the time), but this is the way of finding new friends as an adult.

As sad as it might sound, maybe it is the best time to leave behind your old friends. The ones you used to go out to eat cakes and gossip about who at work gained more during their holiday. These people are not likely to be your new fans and cheerleaders on your weight loss journey. What is more, they are quite likely to hinder your progress, they might even drag you down. Remember: misery loves company. Are you sure you want to belong in this company? Decide wisely 🙂

Learn from your mistakes

The decisions are only yours. Some of them will be wonderful and will push you ahead of the game like nothing else. Some of them will be horrible and you will realize that it was a mistake. Never mind. As long as you learn from your mistakes, you keep going. Just make sure you don’t repeat the same mistake twice. Anyone can fall. It happens. But don’t dwindle there. Don’t unpack your misery and keep complaining, it solves nothing.

Ask for help if you need it

There is nothing bad about it. It is a very brave and incredibly smart act. There is nothing bad to say that you don’t know what to do and how to sort something out. If you don’t have a friend who would try to help you, there are always professionals out there. If you are depressed, talk to a psychologist. If you don’t know how to do that with your meals? A nutritionist is your person. Maybe you think there is something wrong with your body. Your GP, as easy as this. They might refer you to a specialist. Or it is nothing.

These people are there. They studied a lot and they are there for us. I am a psychologist, but when I fell at home and had a nasty bump on my forehead, I went to the hospital for a check. I didn’t know myself, so I asked people who knew. Nothing bad about that. And it is the same with everything.

If you need help, if you feel lost, if you need to talk to someone, ask for help. Losing weight is not only about your body. I mean, yes, it is the visible part. But no one will ever tell you the emotional toll that comes with the package. You might feel depressed, elated, and frustrated in one single day. It is a good idea not to be alone in that. There are people out there. Reach to them.