Breaking a habit

Breaking a habit doesn’t mean you will forget it

Habits, habits, those tiny invisible creatures that rule our lives. We know that habits can make or break us. The moment we build one, it can happen easier than we are willing to acknowledge; it is there. And it will be there most likely for the rest of our lives. Scary, right?

Everybody has heard about planes and their autopilot function. Surprise, surprise, we are no different. It is quite surprising but most of what we do during the day is run on autopilot. Who is behind the wheel? Habits!

The daily routine

No way! I am a very rational person, I always decide things, I always know what I am doing, and I wouldn’t let anything like that happen! Are you sure? Imagine your morning: get up, bathroom stop, put a coffee maker, dress, put cereals in the bowl, add milk, finish breakfast, brush your teeth, check your bag, add a snack, put on shoes, and rush to the bus stop. And the list goes on. You get to the office, you check in, you greet your colleagues, you switch on your PC, you have coffee, a little more chit chat and you start doing something.

It is every day the same. The same thing is in the same order. The moment you run out of milk and you can’t have your cereals for breakfast properly, it ruins your day. Something is off. The way the world should be going is ruined. It makes you sad, grumpy, and a little disoriented. You are used to your autopilot and now you have to improvise, which means you have to start making a conscious decision to save the day. And it is hard.

Autopilot is good for you

Autopilot runs us when things are the same. When everything runs smoothly. When there are no exceptions or deviations. The brain does this to us to save energy. Well, on the one hand, it loves thinking, but on the other hand, it is the laziest organ in your body. It saves energy and effort every time it can. And it does that to keep us sane. Imagine you wake up every day and you have to start inventing the wheel all over again.

Will I have coffee, tea, or juice? Do I have a coffee maker? Where is my special cup of tea? Is there a fruit in the fridge? Will I pick an orange or an apple? Do I have time to make it? What will I wear? This or that? Is it clean? Where did I put it? You are dead tired from thinking about things that make no sense. Or you prepare things in the evening or you “know” and you simply do that all. If I asked you how you got to the office today, you are likely to be completely oblivious. Autopilot at its best.

Time for a change

But what happens when we decide that a habit doesn’t serve us anymore? Something like changing the cereals for a whole grain toast with ham. You will have to interrupt the autopilot in your morning routine and make a decision about your breakfast. And I warn you, you shouldn’t have any cereals in the pantry. If you are like me when you wake up, you are not likely to think straight before the coffee hits 😀

The first thing you will want to do is to take out the bowl and put cereals in it. If you don’t have it, it will dawn on you that you are eating a toast now. So you will reroute yourself in the kitchen and you do what you should do. It is new and it must be dealt with consciously.

A fresh start from scratch

But what if you decide that you completely change your life? You will build it all over again. Everything from scratch. This is hard. If you moved to a new city or a new country, you know. Nothing that you used to take for granted is not there. Whatever you do, you have to think about it in detail, assess everything, and decide as if it was a life-or-death decision. And in many cases, it feels like it.

I bet you that if you find cereals in the store, it will be the very first thing that you will buy. And it doesn’t matter that you will eat it from a cup because you didn’t find a bowl to buy. See? Your habit came back faster than you thought. Why you did do it? Because it is familiar. It is something that you know, it reminds you of the old good times in your home country. It is a great comfort despite all the uncertainty and stress. Ahh… those cereals with milk in the morning. All your decision to change your breakfast is gone.

We change all the time

It is silly, but we can change, no doubt about it. Actually, we change all the time. Do you remember yourself 10 years ago? You are a very different person now, I am sure about that. But your habits? How many of them stuck with you till today? Just think about it. A lot, right? And you are no autistic kid who hates any change whatsoever.

Once we learn to do something a certain way, and it keeps working for us, there is no need to change it. Autopilot takes over and we can use the energy for something else. Then we decide that we want to change it. Ok. Let’s do it. Any change requires energy, concentration, and effort and you have to be stubborn enough to keep pushing yourself until it becomes automatic again.

But when life gets hard…

The thing is that when life gets hard when you are stressed, when something really bad is going on, something that depletes your energy, your stamina, your focus. The first that happens is that you start coming back to your old habits. Why? It is easy. They are your comfort. They remind you of the days when things were ok, when it was all easy when it was all under control and the world was spinning in the right direction. Not the mess of now!

I am not different. After 10 years of living abroad, I always buy Christmas chocolates for my Christmas tree. It is expensive here and hard to get, but I make the extra effort to get them. I can’t eat (I decided that I don’t want to eat) chocolate anymore. But I “need” to have those chocolates on the tree. Without them, it is no Christmas for me. See?

It is October and I still have some form the past year. I usually give them to the kids of my friends when they visit me. They love it. And I get rid of it 😀 I know, it makes no sense. But I am looking for this year’s edition already 😀

Bad habits die hard

We can work extremely hard on changing our habits. And often we can break those habits that make our lives harder or simply stop working for us at some point. It is normal. But we have to be cautious and aware. There is a reason why they say that bad habits die hard.

These little creatures seemingly went away and disappeared from our lives. But all they are doing is that they are sitting there, hidden behind a bush, maybe even sleeping and waiting. The moment something unpredictable happens in our life, something that stresses the hell out of us, that makes us uncomfortable, simply when life gets hard… these nasty little things walk out from behind the bush like a small army and take over everything we had built and took already for granted. Who was losing weight, knows firsthand.

The only way how to “fight” this military takeover by our old habits is to be aware. Know that they are still there and waiting. They don’t want to go anywhere. They had been with you for decades. So why should they move out just like that? Nobody wants to give up easily.

Start small, no drastic changes

The safest way is to make one small change at a time. And then add one more, the same small. These are likely to stick with you. Redoing all your life in one afternoon is a highway to hell. It is extremely unlikely to stick with you. The pain and conscious thinking is so overwhelming that you come back to your old ways sooner than you would think.

Being aware of what is going on, how you feel, what you do, how much, when, when not, and even track all those things. It is a good way of really knowing what the heck is going on. Change is simple, but not easy. We can do it, but it is always a good idea to have a strategy and measure. Numbers don’t lie. Make it a game, something that you like, that motivates you. If you like it, you will do it. Anything painful is avoided. We are no different from animals.

And they are there waiting…

And remember: they are there, behind the bush, waiting and sleeping. The moment you allow your guards down, the ambush will happen. You don’t want that. So: be aware!