Allow time for a new habit to start working

It is always the same

Once we decide to create a new habit, it seems to us that nothing can stop us. We are super motivated, we see all the benefits the new habit will bring to us. We plan for it, we are focused, and we do it exactly the way it should be. But then… after some time, and it is not very long, we give up. It doesn’t work. We needed to allow time for things to start working.

What happened? Why did we give up (again)? Where did all our motivation and determination go? Something must have happened here. The sad truth is that we gave up because of our impatience. We wanted to see the results fast. And it didn’t happen. As frustrating as it is, this is the real reason why it is always the same.

So let’s have a look a little closer at what is happening every single time. We seem to be professional give-uppers 😀

The sweet beginning

We pick a habit. This is pretty straightforward and clear. We want to change something because the way things are is not good enough for us anymore. We decided that a new way of doing something would be a great idea and we know how the new order of the day will be. Ok, it seems like a good start.

We do this because we are unhappy with some outcomes we keep receiving, we identified the cause of this problem and we also explored possible improvements. And we picked one that seemed to us the perfect way of doing things. So we know what to do and when we are starting to do this. The decision has been made.

The implementation phase

The day is here. The famous “I will start on Monday”. So we are focused, we try hard, it requires a lot of effort as this new habit is completely new to us, we have to put in a lot of work, concentration and it kinda disrupts the way we are used to living our day by day. But as we want a different outcome, we push hard and we make it through.

The first week, or maybe weeks can be exceptionally hard. We are fighting the old and trying to keep doing the new. This is not an easy situation. It requires a lot of work, effort, focus and everything related. Your expectations are high. You decided on a change and you are working on it. You are sure you can do this.

The disappointment phase

The days go on, you keep pushing, you are focusing, and you track everything, and it should be working by now. It has been over a week now. Yet you don’t see any progress. How is this even possible? A whole week of incredible effort and nothing happened. No progress whatsoever. You start having second thoughts.

Another week has passed and you are starting to be desperate. You push extra hard. You do try. Maybe you even double the effort. And the results are barely visible, or even worse, still nothing at all. This is ridiculous. You are transiting from frustrating to plain angry. How silly was I to start doing this! So much work, effort, energy, and stuff and it doesn’t work.

You gave up

You try the third week and in the middle, you decide to stop this nonsense because the result is not there. Three weeks of useless torture and it was all for the birds. You gave up. This was leading nowhere. Again. How many times have you done this before? Hard to count. The attempts were way too many to keep track of that all.

Can you recognize yourself in this vicious cycle? I bet you do. We all have been there and it happened to everyone. I feel your deception and frustration. This is heartbreaking and deeply disappointing.

We are impatient

This is the major problem behind this failure. I don’t like to use this word, but it describes pretty accurately this situation. We want to see the results of our hard work fast. As quickly as possible. Yesterday it was late. In this digital era when everything is at our fingertips and we can have anything and everything in a few clicks, fast delivery, Amazon Prime, and all online streaming… we are not used to waiting anymore.

There is a reason for the saying that good things come to those who wait. Waiting and being patient is something quite unusual to have these days. Time flies fast. Everything happens all of a sudden. There is no time for waiting and letting things happen. Those who don’t act now, lose things and opportunities.

Good things take time

But some things need time to happen. Time and effort equals success. I know, it is not very popular to say this. But it is exactly like that. I have read somewhere that there is no best method of losing weight. Pick a diet and stick to the plan. And no matter what diet you choose, if you stick to it long enough, you will lose the weight you want. The problem is that you need to stick to it for a long enough time and give it time to work.

But because we are so incredibly impatient, we rarely allow the time necessary to see the required results. It seems to us that nothing is happening, that there is no progress at all, and that things are the same as before. But what is going on behind the scenes is something they call the compound effect.

Time and more time

It takes many repetitions of the new habit to start seeing the results. It may be a week, a month, maybe a whole year. If you want to learn a new language, the progress you see in a week is basically none, after a month little, but in a whole year… that is a whole different story. Many repetitions of your study sessions, revisions, progress tracking, and practicing, it all put together and after a year you are likely to maintain a reasonable conversation.

Patience

This is the trick. Patience. Before we decide to start any change in our lives, the first thing we need to start working on is patience. It is not an easy task. He lost his patience, he has a thin patience… how many more expressions are there with this keyword? And most of them refer to the fact that we are very impatient. It seems to be a universal human trait.

But without patience, we are unlikely to make any significant progress. Patience is the key. It is hard, no doubt about that. It is like with any other habit. You need to find the strength to fight off the frustration, the boredom, the annoying repetitions. Find the strength to keep going albeit you don’t see any results. Yet. And this is the important word. It will work if, and only if, you give it the time to start working. To show the results, to see the progress, the desired change.

Don’t give up

We often give up fighting right before we can see the results. And it is the sad part. So much work and effort is wasted just because we gave up the moment before the miracle was about to happen. We feed our disappointment and frustration and we think we are good to nothing, that we can’t.

But the reality is very different. The only thing that is missing in this equation is the patience. Habit, time, and patience mean results and success. Remember that the next time you are about to give up 😉 Allow time…