Bariatric emotions

I wish I had known…

If there is something I wish I had known before the bariatric surgery, there are many emotions involved in this package. Nobody told me before and I was not prepared for the roller coaster that I just got on.

Emotional wake-up

And I really mean it. When you wake up after the surgery, you somehow expect to be sore, maybe a little in pain, but a lot of people say they were crying. Why is that? There might be many reasons. Maybe because they have finally completed the journey they set on months ago, maybe because they are starting their new life chapter, maybe because they are scared that the surgery is definitive and there is no way back. It is the first emotional moment.

You gained some weight

Let’s continue. You come home from the hospital, you step on the scales, and to your horror, you see that you have gained 3 pounds. How is this even possible? You are second questioning everything, you are angry, you should have been at least 10 pounds lighter, and now this. You are questioning your decision and you feel stuck in the body that is not responding the way it should. Second blow.

You struggle with food

The next thing is the first week and the food. Well, food… the liquid something they call food. You should get in much more, but your body won’t let you. You are sick all the time, you are bloated, nauseous, maybe even puking, you have nasty diarrhea or your last bowel movement was before the surgery. Your tummy hurts, you are grumpy, you hate everything liquid, you must put in all the protein shakes, you are tired of them all. And what is more, everybody around you is enjoying their solid food in piles, they have all the yummy snacks, chips, pizza, you name it. You can’t.

Going out

When you get over this very difficult time, you are scared to death to go out for the first time because you have simply no idea what you will be eating in the restaurant. Everybody has a lot of pretty nasty comments about your food intake, they are giving you plain stupid advice, they have no idea but they are all very vocal. You end up upset and you question your decision to go through all this once again.

Vacation

And now vacation is approaching, you are packing your suitcase and everything you find in your wardrobe is or directly too large, so you can’t wear it, or it just doesn’t fit, so you have nothing to wear and you have to spend a fortune on your new wardrobe, only to realize that a month after the holiday it is all again too large and you can throw it all away. Again.

You didn’t enjoy your holiday at all because you have more energy, but it is depleted pretty quickly, so you are not prepared to walk somewhere in the sun for 8 hours, it feels like a horrible ordeal, and you do not want to go to the beach because everybody will see your body changing, you still have some extra weight but there is already some empty skin and it doesn’t add to your confidence either. You feel like a snail in elephant skin. Another emotional wave.

Great days

There are also great days when somebody comments positively on your new clothes, how slim you are, how great you look, it is heavenly music for your ears, right?  But then you come home, step on the scales the next morning, and boom, two pounds up. How did this happen??? You are scared to death that those two bites of pizza, your guilty pleasure, have made you go up with the weight, you feel disgusted by yourself, you are giving up and you are terrified that you will gain it all back.

Partying

In the meantime, some good soul has this amazing idea to invite you to a birthday party, where everything you will see on the plates is a clear nono for you, yet you will have to be able to navigate through this situation gracefully, maybe you will have to eat a little of the silly cake. You can only hope it will not end up in dumping.

The comments of all the people about you and your new relationship about food are unbearable, they are all commenting about it in a way that makes you furious, emotional and you want to cry. No, you really can’t eat the pizza for dinner after surviving the cake unpunished.

Friends you leave behind

Going out to have coffee with your friends is starting to be a good ordeal. You can’t eat all the sweets, the whipped cream on the coffee, you have your black one with a bit of skimmed milk and that’s it. You feel you don’t fit anymore. They are trying to convince you that you have already lost more than enough and that you can go back to eating like them, but you know that you are still working on your weight goal and instead of this silly wasting chitty chatty time about nothing, it would have been much better used up in going to the gym. Something they will never understand.

 

You have changed

You started to notice that you are changing. You are a very different person than the one having the surgery. You have grown (as a person, not in weight), you are thinking differently, you have different priorities, you are more confident, and you won’t let others make a doormat out of you, you can stand for yourself. And it is obviously unpopular with people who used to treat you like cr.p and enjoy it. You have become difficult. So some reactions of these people won’t be very nice and you will have to face some conflicts. Who likes them, right?

Life happens

Some days will be wonderful when the sun is shining, everything is going great, you reach all your daily goals, you eat right, and you meet your protein and water goals, wow, life is great. But yeah, not every day will be like this. Sometimes life happens and you cross your path with a true idiot who will upset you in unprecedented ways. Now what?

You can’t eat your chocolate, which you would have done before, you will have to stick to your chicken and veggies. To the hell with this! A cake is the solution to this crisis. No, honey, it is not. Do you get the level of difficulty you are facing daily? This is what I am talking here about.

Everything is upside down and around

You will have to change the way you think about food, what you eat, how much, what you buy, and how you cook it. You will be eating from a kid’s plate, and your fridge will be full of small containers with portions of everything you will eat in the next few days. No more fun. Eating for fun or because you are sad or happy, or for any other reason than pure nutrition is not possible. This is called perseverance and discipline.

What it you will gain it all back?

Because the moment you stop doing what you are supposed to be doing, when you stop walking and going to the gym, when the old habits start to sneak in again, and they will try it, trust me, the weight you have lost will inevitably start to pile up again. If you are not disciplined for a while and then step back on the scales, you will have a heart attack and anxiety of unprecedented levels because what you will see is nothing that you had hoped for.

It will be a very sad reality. And what is more, exactly at this moment someone will tell you: I told you you would gain it all back. That would feel like a stab with a knife right into your chest.

It is only a tool!

Bariatric surgery is a wonderful tool that will help you to get rid of your weight. But it is only a too. If you stop using it, it won’t work. It is all up to you. No one else will do that for you. It is a lonely journey. The world continues rolling no matter what. You had the surgery, it is your fight. And anyone else will help you with this. Take this into account when you are deciding whether to go for it or not.

I often see in the forums: can I have some reinforcing surgery? I am gaining weight. I need a second surgery, I need a conversion. No, you don’t need anything like this (unless there is some medical problem). All you need is to go back to basics and go back to doing what they had told you to do. Protein first, veggies, very little carbs, and plenty of liquids. Plus some exercise. That is all, there is no miracle in it. This sounds really harsh, right? But it is the ugly truth. If you don’t do what you should, you will gain it all back.

Food demons attack

Sending a lot of love to those who are struggling. Fight your food demons. Tame them. Have them under control. It is the only way how to be successful and maintain the weight. This is something that not even the psychologist in the pre-op evaluation will tell you. You will be fighting them for the rest of your life. You can’t say that you will never eat again. It is not possible.

Food addiction is one of the most difficult one to deal with. We have to eat. We can’t avoid food. It is everywhere and it is literally attacking us. It is only up to us if we are strong enough to keep making the right choices and be the better version of ourselves we always wanted to be.

Pick yourself up quickly

It is not easy and everybody will slip sometimes. The question is how quickly you will be able to pick up yourself and go back to the basics and repair the damage. You can have a bad day, everybody has it, but don’t unpack there. This is where the disaster happens. Ask for help if you see it is all bigger than you and you cant do that yourself. No shame about it.