Old behavioral patterns taking over again

It is about profound change

There is one thing that we are painfully unaware of before the surgery. We will have to change everything from the core. Our behavioral patterns we relied on for decades are no longer valid from now on. Our life will never be the same as the one we were used to live. The surgery seems like a reasonable way of dealing with our food problems, but nobody has told us that it is only the very first step and there is a whole new journey after.

 

We had been thinking about the surgery for ages. Contemplating ruminating, thinking it over and over again, and we decided that this is the way and that we are willing to do it. We did our homework, we read half of the internet and we thought that we knew it all and there was very little that could surprise us. But the reality is very different.

 

The beginning is hard

We somehow thought that the surgery would deal with everything and once it was done, it would be all over. The beginning is kinda harsh on everybody, so we are in shock and we are obsessing with any little thing that is going on and we completely lose the big picture. We are stepping on the scales every morning hoping that there will be a smaller number, and it is usually there, so we are thinking that all is going great and we keep going.

 

We are left alone

We are very little aware that the major test comes when we have lost all the weight. All the specialists follow with us while it is all happening when we are losing weight, but once it is done, they all disappear and we are left completely alone. But now the big thing shows itself in its whole magnitude. We have to maintain the final weight.

 

Unfortunately, nobody told us how to do it and what the next steps are. We go back to living our lives and things start happening regardless of the surgery. We get angry and happy, we celebrate, some of our loved ones die, we might even get divorced, kids go to university, move out of the house, we might get bored. And what do we do? Little by little, we go back to our old habits.

It has already started

At first, it is not so visible. It is one small thing here, another there. One extra bite here, one ice cream, one glass of wine, a little extra sauce, those crunchy chips, extra mayo… you know what I am talking about. And what used to be an occasional treat, all of a sudden is back in our normal eating. This is the first problem.

 

The next logical step is that we realize that things are going south. Those skinny jeans are… I can’t close them! It must be the washing machine. Most likely I washed them at high temperature, that’s why. So you try another pair of trousers… and the problem persists. You can’t believe it, so you go and step bravely on the scales that are happily collecting dust in the corner somewhere.

The shock

NO WAAAAAAAY!!! 15 pounds more 😯how on earth did happen this one??? You are surprised, angry, scared, emotional, frustrated… it is a plethora of negative feelings. But it is true. It happened. You gained the weight. It is starting to slip out of hands. Now what???

 

Chain of silly decisions

So you decide to counterattack at the heavyweight level. You starve yourself, you try to overdo it in the gym – yes, you are still paying the subscription, even though you had problems finding your gym clothes, and no, they don’t fit either. The frustration builds. Your formerly built stamina and strength are long gone, and you are almost dying doing all the exercises you used to do without much effort.

 

Things are bad, they don’t work, you are so frustrated, you are not losing. It is all stuck, you are maintaining the weight and because you are trying to train like an Olympic athlete, you could eat a horse, that hungry you are. So you keep pushing for another week, only to see that you have lost 1 pound. 14 to go. If this is not frustrating, I have no idea what is…

Quick fix, as usual

You are stubborn, you want to do it all and you would do anything to go back. But obviously, this is not sustainable. You are pushing extremely hard and expect to see the results and solution to your mounting problem in a week. And it is not happening. The gym is failing you, you caught yourself that you ate something that you shouldn’t have, your overly restrictive diet – again – is killing you with hunger, and results are nowhere to be seen.

 

And here we come to one crucial realization. Do you remember when you were after the surgery and you were losing that big amount of weight? How long did it take you to lose 15 pounds? A week? Doubt it, maybe at the very beginning. But it doesn’t count, it was a very special situation. The last 15 pounds. A week? Really? It took you maybe 3 months to get rid of them. And now you want to achieve the same in a week or two.

Ugly truth

Get it? You haven’t gained it in a week, you won’t lose it in a week. It is the same as before. You will have to be patient, you will have to go back to basics do what you should be doing, and put in a reasonable amount of effort. And give it time. There is no other way how to revert it.

 

I get it, you want to see the result now, yesterday it was late. But it is not possible. You will have to go through it all over again. You stopped doing what you should be doing and it ended like this. Now the problem is that you are so angry, so frustrated, that you keep cutting corners and you are desperate to see the results fast – again, right? You used to do exactly this before the surgery and it never worked. So why now it should be different?

Trapped in the spiral

You got trapped in the spiral of old unproductive behavior. You try, you do your “best”, you push and it doesn’t work. So you push even harder and you take drastic measures. But it all has been there before. Do you remember? It didn’t work! So why are you doing it all again? This is the highway to hell.

 

You are playing with a double-edged sword. You will get hurt in some way no matter what you do with it. Or you will not lose the weight and things will stay the same; or you will gain some more and it will spiral completely out of hand. None of these is a thing that you want to experience. But it is already happening.

It is you…

The problem is that you are taken off guard and let your old habits sneak in. Meanwhile, they are still present, you don’t address them and keep trying to blame things from some other angle and act like a crazy Mickey Mouse, wishing the impossible is your life savior. It is not… things are only getting more and more complicated and spiral more and more out of control.

 

Stop here, before even worse damage is done, and really think with a calm head what to do and how to address this. It is pretty straightforward, I think. You have to go back to square one and start doing what you should be doing. And eating what you should be eating.

 

Reality check

Just check your pantry. What is there? Does it look the same as the year after the surgery? No, right? This is what I am aiming at. Yup, you should order that nasty protein shake, I am afraid. Protein, veggies, shakes, plain yogurt, cottage cheese, eggs, fish… do you remember? This is yummy. All the rest that you have, please throw away or donate or do whatever with it, but don’t eat it.

Go back to square one

Do you remember the heroic consistency you used to have after the surgery? So something like this is lying ahead again. And not only for two weeks. You were losing weight for months. So now you will go back to this again. Same enthusiasm, same dedication. This is how you solve this persistent problem. There is no other reasonable way of doing it.

 

The surgery is about all-over change. It is not a miracle. If you start slacking, it stops working. No, there is no Jojo effect after the surgery. It is you who did this. You weren’t careful and stopped doing what you should and here you have it.

You are not alone

This happened to many people. And they took the same silly solution. These patrons of behavior are extremely hard to correct, redo, or change. Be aware of this. Establish your routines, and make your morning one, around eating, when you go out. I am not lecturing you or advocating for complete restriction, maintaining the diet no matter what. At all. You can have some fun with food.

 

But this fun has to be planned for and made very consciously. You must know what you are doing. Have that pizza, but go for a longer walk later. Have that ice cream, but have a salad for dinner. And always eat a lot of protein and little carbs.

 

Become your priority, your masterpiece. Be selfish, do what is good for you. Treat yourself – but not with food, you are not a dog. Go to the beach, buy yourself that T-shirt, and have your nails done. Make your-time an important part of your schedule. It is not only about deadlines and who will be there first. You are important as well.

Prepare yourself

When things are going great, it is easy to follow everything. The real test comes when there is a storm on the horizon. And that it will come, it is only a question of time. And it can be pretty bad. The question is how you will deal with this.

 

If you used your time during your bari honeymoon, the first year, wisely and prepared for many possible occasions and scenarios, you are more likely to succeed later than if it all catches you with pants at your ankles. Think about potential problems. How will you deal with them? What will you do? If you have played them before in your head, you are likely to do it later in real life.

Be aware

And be aware of your old silly behavior. Especially that one around food. Were you an emotional eater? Did you use food to numb depression or any other unpleasant feelings? Did you address your traumas? There might be a million things why you went back to using food as your coping mechanism. If you are aware of them, you can easily detect them and stop them before you go into autopilot.

 

And this is how you keep things under control, how you can enjoy meals, how you can safely go eating out. It is not only about 100% obeying the rules. You can do things, but you must be aware of what going on. Success guaranteed!

Sending a lot of strength to those who need it. You are not alone 🙂

And if you see that things are really bad, just don’t wait for a miracle and look for help. there is an immense strength behind asking for help. No shame, Remember that…