Keep your decision private or make it public?

Let us dive into it head first!

Once you have decided that you are going to go through this, you found a way how to pay for the surgery and where to have it, the whole technical part is in progress, and you will have to start making some adjustments in your food intake. The integral part of the surgery is usually nutritionist follow-up. No, I am not talking about the pre-op diet, at all, there is still about a year till the actual surgery.

This person will check your relationship with food, what, how much, and when you eat, and will help you to start making small changes so that you are better prepared for your life after the surgery. All this will inevitably mean that you will start watching what you stuff in your mouth and how much of that. People will notice. Been there, done that…

Tell or not to tell? That is the question…

It is up to you if you decide to tell them or not. The decision is yours. I was thinking about this a lot. No matter what you do, it will backfire at you at some point anyway. Let me explain.

If you tell them…

If you decide to tell people around you, prepare for a real storm. Even people who (at least you thought) will not care at all, will have their opinion about this and will not keep it for themselves. They will tell you. And hopefully in some reasonable way. Because it is not likely that their opinion will be nice and supportive.

Unfortunately, that is exactly what happened to me. Almost everybody will tell you that you don’t need it, you are not fat enough. Although they have no idea what the surgery involves, they will tell you it is very dangerous and that you can die. What is more, each of them has someone who has died of this surgery. I studied the statistics quite closely and the numbers don’t fit at all. It is impossible to be true, so breathe.

Final day judgment is nigh

They will judge you. From now on, prepare for a close inspection of any food or drink you will want to put in your mouth. There will be a never-ending stream of comments about what you drink or eat. It ranges from: enjoy now, later you won’t be able to eat that; to: you shouldn’t be eating this, it is unhealthy. You will have to mentally harden for both of them. Amazon River of unsolicited opinions will be from now on your daily reality. You will not escape.

What I never expected from my friends who are also overweight, was a strong attempt to talk me out of this. Some of them were nice, trying to convince me that it was not a good idea and that I could lose weight without such a drastic measure; some of them became military defenders of the idea that being fat is ok and that I will regret it. They resorted to threats that our friendship would be over if I did it, to categoric prohibitions.

Misery loves company

Unfortunately, it is like that. They don’t want you to succeed and get rid of all the weight and health problems. Beware of these people because they will be trying all the time to sabotage you. Devilish whispers of Let’s have a cake, hmm, this pizza tastes so great, let’s go for a drink instead to the gym. They will never give up. They are aiming at seeing you fail and then celebrating a glorious victory. Because they had told you anyway. These are hard to stay in touch with.

It is a hard thing to admit, but some of your current friends, maybe people you have been in touch with for a long time, won’t make it to your new life. You will have to let them go along the way. You will acknowledge that you just can’t keep them in your life because they are doing you so much harm that it is not tolerable anymore. Sad truth. I was not prepared for this. You don’t know it yet at this time of your journey, but you will become a very different person in time. You will see.

You will have to face a lot of unsolicited advice and very unrealistic ideas. Everybody talks a lot but they have no idea what it is really like and how it feels. Walk a mile in my shoes and you will see. The worst one they told me was that I was taking the easy way out. This made me think it all over and over again. What if they were right?

 

They will try to talk you out of this

All I can say now two years after the surgery is that it is the biggest lie in the whole universe. If they think that bariatric surgery is easy, they have no idea. I don’t want to scare you now but trust me, it is mentally so hard, and physically draining thing to do and everybody who has gone through this will confirm this.  Your emotions will be racing from euphoria to the deepest depression in a single day, you will be exhausted, feeling sick after many meals, thirsty but not able to take in any water…

It is doable, but not easy at all. There will be days when you will hate yourself for what you did to yourself. But after all the bad passes, you will be endlessly grateful for being this brave and doing it. Still, this is not an easy miraculous solution. It doesn’t work the way that you have the surgery and you lose all the weight in three months and you will keep eating like before. Definitely not. Whatever they tell you, this is not how it works. Be strong and withstand the pressure.

Don’t you dare to let them discourage you or talk you out of it. You would regret it till the end of your days. Simply accept the fact that they will have a lot of opinions, listen to them, and let them go. It is your decision and you know the big reason why you are doing it. If you decide that you want to do it, great. At the same time, if you for any reason decide to abort the process, it is ok. But make sure the decision is yours and only yours and you are not being manipulated or acting under any kind of pressure.

It is a lonely journey

 

 

At the end of the day, you will be all alone in this, and even people who support you, yes, there will be some!, will not understand what you are going through and how hard it is on your mental and physical health. I wish I had a chance to join some support group and be able to talk to people in the same situation, people who were undergoing the same, and know how it feels.

Where I live, there are no such groups. The ones I found were more about the pre-op stage and everyone disappeared when they had the surgery date. So, if you can make some bari-friends, I encourage you to do so. It is important to have someone to talk to who will know what is happening to you.

 

 

If you don’t tell them…

The other option is not to tell anyone. Maybe you think, after what you have read above, that it is a better option. To tell the truth, for the pre-op part of your journey, it may be like this. You will avoid all the opinions, pressure, and unpleasant conversations and you won’t have to defend yourself.

The thing is that once you have the surgery, they will know. First, you will have to take some time off from work, it is not likely that you will walk this off in a weekend (but I know people who did – US patients mainly).

You will eat next to nothing for a very long time, you will be pale and dizzy and your best friend will be a water bottle with whatever is inside apart from water. Plus, you will be losing weight ultra-fast, especially in the first month. So, yes, they do will notice. Hihi, and what you had saved for not telling them, you would have later concentrated. And you won’t have any strength to face that all.

 

The decision is yours. If you decide on whatever option, it is a good one. You are the boss of your story. All I can tell you is that it is the best time to stop experimenting and sort out the weight problem once and for all. No new fad diet will make any difference. You will have to start doing things right and in a completely different way than before. You know better than anyone that it never worked.

You are fighting for your life. Unfortunately…

I was very selective in telling people. Very few people around me knew it, so I went through both of the decisions. Whether you tell them or not, it is irrelevant they will flood you with opinions anyway. So how about you? Did you let the cat out of the bag or were you trying to make it a top secret?

Maybe it would be a great idea to start collecting the most outrageous comments, unsolicited advice, and crazy reactions. Let’s laugh together. This will be worth it!