Is bariatric surgery for me?

Crucial question

There are two very different aspects of bariatric surgery. The technical and the personal ones. Both of them are the same important and they always should have the same weight in the final decision.

The technical part

There is nothing much you can do about this. It is the surgeon who decides if you are a good candidate for the surgery or not. If you fulfill the technical criteria, if you have enough weight, if there is no underlying condition that would impede it, if there is helicobacter to solve at first, if you have heartburn, if you are diabetic, if there is some previous scarring in the area, if your heart is strong enough. The list goes on. These things belong to the surgeon to see and decide the best option for you.

I have seen girls in their 20s with 70kilos obsessing that they absolutely must have bypass or they won’t lose enough weight. This is crazy. Somebody should tell them that the surgery is not reversible, it may have side effects, and things might go horribly wrong if they undergo surgery based on malabsorption with this little weight. The weight loss won’t stop when they wish. It will go on and they might end up with 40 kilos, heavily malnourished, with feeding tubes, and fighting for their dear life.

I am not saying this is common, but these people must know what it really is. It is no fad diet they can ditch any time they wish. This is forever and you will have to obey no matter what. There is no change of mind, it is not comfortable now, I want to go/do/eat/drink something. Many things will be permanently off-limits. It is a surgery and no joke.

The personal part

1. you have tried it all before

It is supposed to be your last resort. You have already tried it all and nothing worked. Not because you weren’t able to follow any diet, but there is something underlying, or the weight is so much out of hand, that the surgical solution is the only viable way how to nurse you back to health.

There is no need to give stupid advice to people with 300 kg that they should go jogging. It is physically impossible and they would hurt themselves. They are not able to do that. (unfortunately, I have seen this so many times… it makes me furious.)

2. your health is falling apart

Yes, you are desperate, your health is crumbling and you need help. Please ask for help, you do need it and you have been fighting with this for decades most likely. Something pretty nasty must be done to get you out of this circle. In this case, be prepared for a bumpy ride. You will have to get out of your comfort zone, you will have to start doing things you have never done, eat things you have never tried, and maybe even do some exercise before the actual surgery. Ready? Then let’s go!

3. you are willing to change

You will have to be willing to change. You will have to abandon so many things, activities, meals, thinking patterns, you name it. Your life will be torn apart and you will have to rebuild it from the ashes.

The emotional toll of the surgery is something no doctor will ever tell you. It is pretty nasty, it is a roller coaster, and you go up and down in one single afternoon. And you feel incredibly alone. No matter how many people tell you they support you, at the end of the day, it will be only you against all the old and you will have to win.

4. family life adjustments

Your family dynamic will be affected. You will become the priority in this story. The rest of the members will likely suffer a little. They may become somewhat jealous, and angry with you, and not take this process lightly. Many marriages do not survive this. Unfortunately, this is a frequent collateral damage of bariatric surgery. You were warned.

You will likely start changing the meals for your whole family for healthier options. Not everyone will appreciate this. You will have meals you won’t be able to stomach forever. So you will cook them only for them and suffer in the meantime, or they will stop eating them. Some things will make you gag. So… yes, it happens to almost everyone.

5. difficult social life

Going out and eating there will become a minefield. You won’t enjoy things around meals the same as before. For many people eating became a chore, not a thing they enjoy. I had a period when I would rather clean toilets than have lunch. That bad it was.

You won’t be able to eat sweets, high carb meals, you might even be dumping. Be prepared to watch people eating and you will have next to nothing on the plate in front of you. This is your new normal. Emotionally this is a wow! Especially in the beginning.

6. new friend exercise

You will have to start with some exercise. Some people say they don’t do that. But these are the first who will complain they started to gain something again. You don’t want to be one of them. So you will have to make time for some activities. Whether it will be gym, at home, or in the park. Who cares. You will have to like it because it will be your new friend for life. Your body will thank you for it later.

7. loose skin

You are very likely to have loose skin. How much? It is individual. Some people have it barely visible, some have it really bad. Important note here: they will try to sell you miraculous creams, pills, serums, oils… it doesn’t work. The skin is damaged in the deep layer and it is basically like scar tissue. The only way of getting rid of it is by going through some kind of plastic surgery. Or simply let it be if it doesn’t cause you any health problems.

The rule of thumb goes: the more you lose, the more extra skin you will have. It is very different to get rid of 10 kilos or 80 from your body. Some people will lose even more. In those cases having plastic surgery to remove the extra skin is almost obligatory as it will cause health complications like infections, fungi, and irritations. And no cream will ever solve it.

You will lose your butt, your boobs will become saggy empty bags, and your tummy will have some extra thingies around. In my case, I have thighs that suffered and it is visible. Ok. I lost some 40 kilos. It is what it is. The fat was there and now it is empty. It is like that. A price to pay. I can live with it. I decided to embrace it, though it looks funny sometimes, but still, I wear shorts, dresses, skirts and I wear a bikini. If you don’t like it, look to the other side. So what???

The good part

You will gain confidence.
Your mood will skyrocket. Ok, after the first blow of manic depressive issues 😀
You will buy cute clothes.
You will become much healthier. There is nothing better than the moment they tell you they are taking you off some meds you have been taking for years and you don’t need them anymore.
You will be able to do activities previously impossible due to your previous spatial importance or mobility issues.
You will have much more time – are you aware how much time our excessive eating before the surgery occupied our daily time??? It is insane!
You will have new hobbies and new friends.
You will incredibly grow as a person.
In a year you will look back and you won’t recognize the person you became. And I don’t mean only in the mirror.

This list could go on. It will be slightly different for different people. But you will be much better off afterward. Too good to be true, right?

It is not free

Well, the price to pay is the transformation. You will have to change. If you want to have something you have never had, you will have to do something you have never done. It is inevitable. Is it easy? Ooooh… no. Not at all. I won’t lie and sugarcoat it for you.

Bariatric surgery is a huge decision that will impact all your life. No matter what they tell you. Everybody who went through this will confirm this. I don’t want to be a negative, threatening, or discouraging person. I am anything but this. If it were up to me, I would make it free and fast for everyone who struggles with their weight.

But it is not so easy. You have to prepare yourself to undergo this change. Sort out the food demons, your underlying conditions, and maybe even your health problems. Some surgeons will ask you to lose some weight before so that the surgery is safe for you. It can seem complicated, and it is dragging on and on. But trust me, the bari team wants you to succeed. They love seeing people who come back after a year or two and see the huge change that happened during that time.

Life-saving decision

Bariatric surgery can be literally life-saving. And for many people, it is exactly this. But if you stop doing what you should be doing, no surgery will do the work for you. It is an enormously effective tool that will help you through the toughest times. You will lose weight. The real problem is what will happen to you after. This is when the real game starts. You reached your weight and now you depend only on yourself, your new habits, and your willpower.

The surgery is no miracle. You won’t be able to go back to your back habits and keep slim. It doesn’t work like this. So before you even start all the appointments, be brutally honest with yourself. What is the real reason why you want this? Are you willing to put in all the necessary work? Will you stick to your new routines? Are you willing to have the nightmarish year of your transformation? Only you know the answers.

Sit down and ponder all the possibilities. If you do it and if you don’t. The answer will come out of there. Maybe it is the highest time to become the priority in the story of your life 🙂