Bariatric patient confession

Hello everyone!

First of all, on behalf of your loved one who is about to undergo bariatric surgery, welcome to the ride of your life 😂 Your bariatric patient will make it a lot of fun!

Support would be nice

You don’t know it yet, but you are about to embark on a journey of a million surprises. Thank you for being here. It would be great if you decided to show support.  As a person who has already had this surgery, I can tell you from very personal experience, that they will need it.

Most likely they were trying to explain it to you somehow, which is fair because whether you like it or not, it will impact you as well. Surprise surprise. Likely, you don’t understand what they are doing and why and you might even think it is dangerous. Actually, it is not only about the technical procedure, the cutting of the stomach. With the surgery, there come a lot of changes that will have to be done.

It is highly emotional

You must be aware that the surgery has an enormous toll on the patient. It is hard. They will have to give up all their previous life. They will have to learn how to eat again. All their relationship with food will have to be built from scratch. They will feel physically unwell for some time, and they won’t be able to eat much. They will question themselves if they have done the right thing. They will fight with their food demons and they might feel they are losing it all at some point.

Please, don’t make it even worse. It happened to everyone and even if it can be seen as a pretty bad idea, especially the beginning ad will be pretty harsh, it is a very good thing and you all will reap the fruits of these months and years later. Try to be supportive and compassionate.

Family logistics

From the logistic point of view, it would be great if you could help a little in the beginning. The surgery is no joke, the tummy is sore and the energy level decreases significantly. Even the most basic things can become a real ordeal. Plus, it is impossible to lift heavy objects, so things like lifting your toddler, doing the laundry, or grocery shopping, and thorough cleaning are a big no. They will need your help. Also driving can be off limits for a while. So taking kids to school, picking them up from after-school activities… you know.

Tip-toe around their food

Talking about grocery shopping, you will find pretty strange things in your fridge at some point and there will also show up hundreds of tiny containers with suspiciously looking food inside. Please, don’t comment on this. It is an integral part of the process and they must eat this. There is no other way. And trust me, it is not easy to keep surviving on this for weeks while you are eating normal food.

Your loved one might become grumpy and even angry around food. They would love to eat the same things as you but it is not possible. They might avoid being around during your meal time or you will find them crying or being furious. No, they are not crazy, they are fighting their food addiction. As horrible as it sounds, it is exactly what is happening. So show mercy to them.

New activities

They will also start doing exercise at some point. If you can’t be supportive here, please at least don’t comment on this. It is hard for them and they are doing their best to make sure they add this to their daily and weekly routine. Most likely they have never done anything like this in their life before, so you can imagine, this is a tough one.
One thing that you must be prepared for is that their body will start changing incredibly fast. In a few months, they might have lost 20, 30, or even more kilos. It is a lot. They will start buying smaller clothes, their face will be much slimmer, and they might begin to use makeup. They will look better / different than before. They likely won’t see it for themselves at first. Some form of encouragement would be nice here.

Relationship warning

And pretty please, don’t start to be jealous, controlling, or showing any behaviors of this kind. This is something you will most likely fight at some point. Your loved one will likely start attracting the looks of other people. As weird as it seems, it might not be very clear to them at first. They are most likely not used to this. But it is flattering 😀

The new body is insecure

But at the same time, there is one thing that you should know. The disappearing weight is nice, but they will have some loose skin from some point on. This will likely make them uncertain, ashamed, and weird and they might even hate it. It is also completely normal. Some support around this topic would be really nice.

It would be amazing if you kept talking to them. They might and will feel very lonely, overwhelmed, uncertain, and even scared. It happened to many of us. And don’t be angry when weight loss and everything around will become the major topic of their conversation. It is really too much in the beginning. The whole first year is about: is this normal, am I losing fast enough, I am sick, I can’t tolerate that, I have lost X, I have an appointment with X doctor. It is ok. Please be patient.

They will change

And there is one very important thing that you will have to deal with, and this is very important, that your partner / familiar will change. Not only physically, they will change as a person. They will grow. They will become more confident. They will be able to stand up for themselves. They will have plans and priorities. You might even think they become selfish. But this is maybe the first time in their lives when they made themselves a priority.

!!!

This change might put a lot of strain on your relationship. It is not easy. It will require a lot of work from both sides to keep things working. Many adjustments, compromises, and negotiations will have to be made. Sometimes you win, and sometimes you will have to step back a little. Please be aware of this. It is crucial for the future of your relationship. It is necessary to mention here that the divorce rate of bariatric patients is high. Don’t let it happen to you. Now you know, you were warned.  !!!

They might starve you 😀

And one funny thing to end, if you think that after some time your food portions started to be smaller and smaller, just tell them. If they are the ones who put food on your plate, you might suffer a little. The perception of what is adequate to eat in one sitting will change dramatically, so you might be starving a little. Just tell them that you eat significantly more. It is ok. It happened to me and my partner 😀 actually, it was fun 😀

A new beginning for everyone

You are about to embark on a journey you are both / all completely unaware of. It will be a bumpy ride in the beginning, no doubt about that. But you will see it is worth it. They will become healthier, they will be taken off the meds, they will be more mobile, more independent, and most likely more happy. And they will drag you with them 😀 I think you will like it.

Although it won’t be easy and it will require a lot of work from everyone involved, there is one thing you will all gain. It is longer life, better health, better food for everyone, more fun as a family, you will be all more active and the family dynamic will change for the better.

I read somewhere that if a parent/partner is happy, everybody in the family benefits from that. I think there is much truth in this. So if you please will, help them with the change. It is a hard journey, it is long and at times pretty steep. The ups and downs can be almost unbearable. But once things stabilize, which takes a year or so,  (ok, maybe two), you will see that everything got better.

Sincerely, your bari patient 😉